"12 Rules for Life": A Recovering Cynic's 12-Step Programme (?)

With the current state I am in as of publication, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson’s “12 Rules for Life” is my way of starting from square one.

In my previous article, I have said that I am a cynic and a nihilist, or at least someone who is on my way to recovery. But you see, underneath that cynical and nihilist mindset is a decade’s worth of missed opportunities, false starts, and successive failures in my life, vocation, and career.

And with the current state I am in as of publication, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson’s “12 Rules for Life” is my way of starting from square one.

Now you may be wondering: “Ian, does that mean that book could be considered a ‘12-step programme for cynics and nihilists like yourself?’”

Good question, but I say: Not necessarily. (I will deal with that later in this piece.)

But after six years and 10 million copies sold (and counting, I guess…), this is only the second time I was able to read and finish a major book within the same year. And with many others in the lineup, I hope this isn’t the last.

This may perhaps be one of the latest, if not the last, review of this book given that Peterson just released a new one called “We Who Wrestle With God”. But I have to first wrestle with his “12 Rules” sequel called “Beyond Order”. But we’ll see.

Prompted by another book

My fascination with Peterson started when I began thinking about making peace with my past so I could move forward, no matter how late I was into the game. I previously purchased a book called “The Man You’re Meant To Be” by Anthony James Perez, an old friend of mine who is currently based in the United States.

In that book, which was definitely a quick read and something I personally recommend, Perez explicitly credited Peterson for changing his life for the better now that he is married to the love of his life who he had to sadly leave behind in Antipolo (exactly where is none of our business). Needless to say, I thought: “If that book propelled him to ‘dare mighty things,’ I guess it is worth giving that book a try.”

And boy, I thought I would never be able to finish it due to how prosaic Peterson’s writing style is and how emotionally moving it is at times, but here we are. But more of my review and reflection later, let’s start with…

Rule 1: Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Peterson begins his book with the Parable of the Lobster, where he talks about how alpha males get ahead while vanquished competitors bend their spines in shame.

It is sadly the same for people who lose in life, who eventually shut himself off from the cares of the world, saying that it is a dangerous and evil place.

However, in order to be a better person, one must accept setbacks and dare try again, even if it is very, very hard (trust me, this is also where I struggle), because doing so signifies to people that you are ready to take up responsibility.

With that said, though, it is very hard to practice this Rule for those who may not have any experience or training in the uniformed services or even scouting. And while I did have some of that in my own personal experience, this Rule applies to me, first and foremost, as I not only slouch a lot, especially when sitting, but also as someone suspecting myself to be both Autistic and ADHDer (or AuDHDer in short), I realised that movement is needed to regulate myself, but I should also regulate my movement to not be called a weirdo.

Either way, the Parable of the Lobster is worth learning from, not just an enjoyable seafood dinner. You’re not a lo(b)s(t)er, you’re a Top Lobster if you can stand up straight! You need to do it in order to progress to…

Rule 2: Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.

It is important to think about others and why they should be helped, but it is also true that we cannot give what we do not have. I realised this was the theme of this rule.

In the beginning, there is Order and Chaos but they have not yet interacted. “Order is God the Father,” Peterson wrote. “Chaos is mater, origin, source, mother.” And in the Judeo-Christian creation story, the interaction began with God’s first words: “Fiat lux”, “Let there be light”. This dichotomy of male Order and female Chaos do not contradict each other, but has been in harmony through a mediation process called Consciousness.

Consciousness means there is a degree of both Order and Chaos in one’s mind, and it is important for the student of the School of Hard Knocks to know the Chaos within to put things at Order’s feet. For men specifically, it is important for them to become the Order feminine Chaos wants to balance herself with.

In short, this Rule calls us to get our collective shit together and know and learn that we need to take care of ourselves as much as we do so for others — because, as mentioned, we cannot give what we do not have.

Rule 2 not only applies to myself but also to one of the reasons why I started my YouTube stint in the first place: Nico David. He is a very intelligent guy, and I certainly wish him the very best, but his online personality makes him a simp. That’s why I would like to bluntly tell him to keep discerning as much as he does for the content he is spewing out, because, as we continue to Rule 3, I must praise his good stuff and criticise his bad takes.

Rule 3: Make friends with people who want the best for you.

Peterson begins Rule 3 with telling the story of his childhood at a small town in the Canadian province of Alberta, and the unfortunate downward spiral of his friends’ lives.

People at the metaphorical bottom normally make friends either as a way to commiserate and improve together or for one of them to have some sort of a “saviour complex” over the other.

“There is no shortage of oppressors among the downtrodden, even if, given their lowly positions, many of them are only tyrannical wannabes,” JBP wrote.

I have a confession to make: I did not have very close friends until recently.

Whatever parasociality I was into in the past was due to me being at the bottom of the food chain, and those who supposedly wanted to become friends with me are actually just work colleagues telling me to get my shit together. While I certainly appreciate those, the warmth of sticking together because of a common fate alluded me.

That is, until the middle of this year, when a certain company made a Buzzfeed-like decision and laid off its editorial staff. I was one of those affected, and so was everyone else.

And thus, from this setback, the Paper Straw Podcast in its current form was born after its mainstays Christian Tejares and Chris Short (who also happen to be former colleagues) needed a third man to get the show on the road.

I have since been to Christian’s place in the Fairview area, and while the journey was arduous for both me and Chris, who lives with his partner just a few kilometres from Intrepid HQ (aka my current residence), it was worth knowing him and some other folks behind this thing we are all currently involved with.

However, I also realised that the fraternal organisation in my parish where I am involved exuded that same energy, if you will. Everyone was hesitant to lead the group, while at the same time, everyone seeks to devote their time and resources to help out the parish in any way they can.

In short, Rule 3 stipulates that the student of Hard Knocks should surround himself with people who would positively influence him and make him a good person, even if it means they may call him out for his wrongdoings. If possible, we should make friends with those who share similar good beliefs and perspectives as ours.

Either way, we must find people who will both commend us for our good actions and be brutal or blunt for our bad shit.

The Dialogue of Life requires people to deal with the cards that they have, and this Rule is something AJ Perez realised in his book “The Man You’re Meant to Be”.

But in applying Rule 3, there’s a catch, and that’s…

Rule 4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

This is particularly a hard saying for me.

My parents come from relatively poor backgrounds, which meant they have been expecting me and my siblings to become better than them, and rightfully so. However, with these chips on their shoulders, they cannot help but compare from the people surrounding us: relatives, friends, neighbours, even people in church.

This only means one thing: I became resentful that I seem to be stagnating when my peers and colleagues are getting ahead.

Rule 4 is difficult to understand particularly for those who live in stereotypically Asian backgrounds, have relatives who are more successful, or have parents who have high expectations for their children (which we will elaborate more in Rule 5).

However, this rule is important since we all have an “inner child” and our inner children may have been wounded profoundly in the past. Rule 4 is supposed to heal the inner child and convince people-pleasers like licenced marriage and family therapist Kati Morton that they have the right to win in life on their own terms as long as it benefits the common good.

It is also important for students of Hard Knocks to pay attention and reflect on one’s past to improve one’s self, and perhaps more importantly, give himself a pat on the back. In short, we should enjoy small wins and work on them to get to bigger wins without our parents making us feel guilty about it.

Which brings us to…

Rule 5: Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

Now, this is actually tied to Rule 4 given that, at least in my case, Rule 5 also tackles the relationship between parents and children.

According to Peterson, there are five rules in properly disciplining children, as discipline is necessary for children to become well-rounded persons and not as spoiled brats:

1. Limit the rules;

2. Use the minimum necessary force;

3. Parents should come in pairs;

4. Parents should understand their own capacity to harmful emotions; and

5. Parents have the duty to act as proxies for the real world.

This kind of parenting should be balanced — not too gentle, not too strict. As for single parents who have children of the opposite sex, it is their responsibility to find a father- or mother-figure to look up to as a mentor, although it is not necessary that he or she would marry or cohabitate with that person.

In short, if people had a bad childhood, it is his/her duty as a parent not to pass it on to their own children, that “The buck stops with me.”

This rule reminds me of my cousin whose dad (my uncle and my father’s brother) is an asshole who left his wife and son out of spite. Luckily, his mother’s side (my aunt’s own family) has male mentors who formed him to become the good man he is now.

Now, obviously, this Rule is a tip for parents out there, like my Paper Straw Podcast co-hosts Christian and Chris. It also applies to people in authority, “in loco parentis” or otherwise, as well as religious clerics. I’ll leave it at that because of…

Rule 6: Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.

The reason why I cut short my criticism about clerics is because there is a possibility of a delusionary notion that they must all die because I was wronged by them ever since I was a university student, and they have also wronged many well-meaning lay people.

Another reason is the sixth Rule…. It appears to be the simplest and most self-explanatory of them all, and it can be summarised as this: CLEAN YOUR FUCKING ROOM.

Things fall apart, yes, but there is no use to point the blame on anyone or anything, even if the other is at fault. On the other hand, there is even the possibility that you might be the one in the wrong and the fault was your own. Either way, it is best to have some humility.

Also, start small about cleaning yourself and your room, and at least learn to master over things you can control before trying to tackle things you can’t. This is the importance of self-realisation.

This Rule, in principle, is similar to the whole premise of the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, which I am currently reading alongside the Confessions of St. Augustine.

To put the Rule in a different wording: “Try cleaning yourself (and your room) before cleaning society’s filth.”

Rule 6 applies to everyone, especially if you have your own room. I technically do not have one, but I still try my best to adhere to it. But the most important online personality who needs this Rule more than everyone else is Asmongold, for obvious sanitary reasons.

This rule is also important to avoid hikikomoris from being mass shooters. Which brings us to…

Rule 7: Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).

Have you ever thought to yourself what the meaning of life is with all the bad shit that is happening around us that causes suffering? If your answer is “I don’t know,” let me tell you: I don’t, either.

But there is a difference in acting to find meaning and in acting to get things done. The latter is the bare minimum, and an excess of that will lead to evil, while practicing the former would eventually lead you into the path of goodness.

According to Peterson, pursuing expedience does not eliminate suffering, but ironically allows it to fester. On the other hand, meaning gives us hope and transcends suffering.

In thinking about the pursuit of meaning, we must favour Descartes’s perspective about it more (“Cogito ergo sum”) and not Neitzsche’s (“Gott ist tot”).

For this rule, journalists, commentators, and other media personalities come to mind when thinking about to whom this rule applies. Another rule they have to take note of, which I understand they should master by now is…

Rule 8: Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie.

I remember Chris giving us “Would you rather…” questions in one of the podcast episodes we have done in the past, and one of them is “Would you rather tell the truth all the time or lie all the time?”

Both Christian and I chose the former, not only because of our chosen profession but also because it was obviously more beneficial.

You see, lies give way to manipulation; manipulation leads to totalitarianism; and totalitarianism brings Chaos.

At this point, I am seeing patterns in Peterson's argumentative style of writing, where he provided examples from the not-so-distant past about regimes that lied to its people in order to control them as a compensation for their weaknesses, whatever it may be (which Peterson discussed in detail in Rule 11).

On the other hand, truth leads to goodness; goodness leads to meaning; and meaning brings Order.

Like mentioned in Rule 7, the pursuit of truth is closely tied to the pursuit of meaning, which practically makes expedience a vice that needs to be eliminated.

For Christians, Jesus — the Word made flesh — is the Truth that liberates, for thus it is written: “The truth shall set you free.”

This is an obvious rule of thumb for everyone, but unfortunately, “debate bros” like Vaush, Destiny, and Hasan Piker might find this disturbing, just like…

Rule 9: Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't.

This rule is also hard to swallow, especially if the person you’re talking to is incompetent, manipulative, and assertive. While assertion has its place, it should not be in an honest conversation.

Also, listening is a hard practice as it requires patience and understanding — tons of both — because authentic listening requires true reciprocity between both (or all) parties.

In short, we should preliminarily suspend judgement on, and avoid prejudice of, others in order to properly discern if they are telling the truth or lying to their teeth. In contemporary parlance, “let him cook and see if he would be sautéed in his own lard”.

Basically, this Rule is the summary of the Dunning-Kruger Effect, and “debate bros” and ideologues should beware of the side-effects of prejudice.

In time, once we have enough information about what the other is saying, we can then apply…

Rule 10: Be precise in your speech.

Being in a tumultuous situation, whatever it might be, can be tough and it could weigh us down to the point of not being able to speak. Trust me, I experienced that, too.

But while Peterson wrote the explanation to this Rule in the context and scenario of a non-communicating married couple, the underlying message calls the reader to know precisely where he or she is in order to move forward.

As mentioned in Rule 8, we are supposed to tell the truth all the time, and sometimes, that truth is painful to say and hard to swallow, yet we are obliged to say the truth, anyway. Why? Because addressing demons and dragons from the get-go avoid them from festering and tormenting the person dealing with them. Basically, nipping it in the bud.

I also remembered Peterson’s recent interview with British broadcaster Piers Morgan when he tearfully remembered his recently-deceased father, Walter. The author recalled that his dad was a collector of firearms which he described as “single-shot rifles”, which could have influenced him to be accurate in his speech and nail it in one go.

Being precise and specific in speech would bring Order and put Chaos in her proper place, as Rule 2 stresses the ideal harmony between the two.

With that said, this is the proper context in becoming assertive, especially for those who seek to have a fucking spine in these trying times when people disregard the principles of…

Rule 11: Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.

Kids are kids, and let kids be kids. Sadly, that is not what society is thinking at this point.

As mentioned in Rules 4 and 5, parents tend to parent too close to the sun — where boys are being strictly monitored and girls are pampered and spoiled so much — that they seem to have forgotten what good and proper parenting is. As a result, boys are falling by the wayside of society and are stuck with things that would, to put it mildly, give bad connotations to gamers and genuine people who seek to help each other online.

Today’s mindset distorts the notion of fun for boys that they are left confused as they grow old. It also stunts them so much that they are willing to let go of their own career options to catch up with what they missed during their childhood and teenage years. (But it’s important to note here that, as long as you are a responsible man, a loving husband, and a good father, being involved in video games and other hobbies should remain an option to divert one’s attention from the harsh realities of life even for just a few hours a day.)

And that’s where the spawns of the Third (and Fourth) Wave of Feminism attack boys and young men to the point that they would either succumb to defeat or join their ranks, which — frankly — they do not belong to, both figuratively and literally.

You see, according to Peterson, good women love manly men and bad women like boy toys; and bad women use compassion as a vice, which in turn, leads to resentment on the part of the boy or young man.

Resentment then breeds ideology; ideology makes weak men; weak men become anti-human; and the notion of anti-humanity brings more resentment … and the cycle continues.

When resentment breeds ideology, weak men compensate for their vulnerability by projecting themselves to have the moral high ground by fabricating lies as its pedestal (as mentioned earlier in Rule 8). These ideologies influence intellectual thought and poison the educational well that, after a few decades of normalisation, alienates men by promoting women.

Let me share an anecdote: When I attended university in the early 2010s, the class section I was in was composed of roughly 50 people. Around 40 of them are girls and the rest, including myself, are boys (and I am not sure if all of them are into girls) — statistically, my section was 80% young women (and very beautiful and attractive ones at that, no question about it). However, I can only speak from my own experience in the programme I studied in, because there are still programmes that remain either male-dominated or balanced.

Needless to say, on a global scale, male attendance in tertiary education has been dwindling ever since, and the college boys who remain either persevere to preserve their masculinity or become weak men, or worse, women (if you know what I mean…).

Peterson then cleared the accusations about “The Patriarchy” being the main menace in today’s society, when in fact, it was “The Patriarchy” who helped women be who they are right now. (Talk about ingratitude there, ladies…). “The Patriarchy”, he pointed out, is more helpful than what the Woke crowd perceive it to be in their prejudice, as mentioned back in Rule 9.

This Rule reminds us all to allow boys to toughen up as good men, lest they become soyboys. So Nick Fuentes and Asmongold, listen up because Hasan Piker and his ilk won’t: Take some time off and assess your manhood and your identity, and you can start with Rule 1. We wouldn’t mind your absence and we hope you’ll come out of this as better men. And Asmon, take note of Rule 6 as well.

And finally…

Rule 12: Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.

(…Dogs count, too, don’t worry.)

All across the book, Peterson highlighted the importance of Being with a capital “B”, which he got from the German philosopher Martin Heidegger. Heidegger thought of “Being” as the fundamental nature of existence; not necessarily a deity like the Judeo-Christian God, but as Peterson defined it, the “totality of human existence”.

In Rule 2, Peterson highlighted that man possesses a “spark of the divine”, where he has control over Order and Chaos. What this means is that man has the ability to direct or redirect himself to what he thinks is good despite setbacks, or perhaps because of it (refer to Rule 1).

This is an important context for this final Rule because, let’s face it, life sucks and shit happens. But, if Being is connotated to the divine, “Being requires Becoming” if we are to imitate Being – and if I may contribute my small and insignificant understanding of this concept, “Being requires Becoming through Bestowing”.

In Christian theology, the one Godhead of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit is a self-contained community of caritas or charity, the highest and most perfect act of love. In the same vein, people of all beliefs and even none are called to not only develop an attitude of humility (Rule 6) and pursue at least a meaning for all your actions (Rule 7), but also to equally make an impact to the people we love (Rules 3, 4, and 5) and those we don’t (Rules 8, 9, 10, and 11).

And now, here in Rule 12, Peterson implied that thinking is not the only thing that is necessary to live a good life; because thinking may not be enough for the men of this age when in dire straits. Noticing might help one’s understanding of Being — all of its joys and hopes and all of its griefs and anxieties, as mentioned in the Second Vatican Council document “Gaudium et Spes”.

With that said, Peterson reminds us, whether we are pet lovers or not, to step back, appreciate the good you have and observe, and take every day as it is, for if this life is a struggle, it is a war, not a single battle — and we must win the war if it means taking some losses in particular battles, including the final one where Death is the enemy.

Until then, pet a cat, or a dog, when you find one along the way.

Reflection, personal understanding of the book

After months of reading through “12 Rules for Life,” I was deeply moved by how Dr. Peterson intended to share his insights about living life amidst the chaos of the modern world.

I then realised that the legendary YouTuber Felix “Pewdiepie” Kjellberg made a book review of “12 Rules for Life” when it was newly-published. With the life he has right now — that is, becoming a good husband to Marzia and a good father to Björn in Japan — and the fact that he still has detractors in 2024 because of his ethos of self-improvement, the “Bridge Incident”, and more importantly, his family’s alleged deep pockets (that last one was a non sequitur, but it’s a Woke nitpick), I can only say that Peterson had an impact on his life.

If this book helped out the greatest YouTuber that ever lived, it could at least be useful to lesser men and women like me, if we seriously take these dozen Rules to heart.

For starters, here’s my theory on how to understand Peterson’s 12 Rules: The first half (Rules 1 to 6) corresponds to those of the second (Rules 7 to 12). For example, Rule 1 corresponds to Rule 7, and Rule 2 to Rule 8, and so on….

Also, at the beginning of this review, I said there is a possibility that “12 Rules for Life” could be considered a 12-step programme for cynics and nihilists, but I am not sure if it could make some concrete correspondence for every rule. For all I know, I said it to humour myself and explaining it could be an unnecessary stretch; but the gloves are now off, and here goes nothing:

1. We admit we are powerless over Chaos, cynicism, and nihilism — so we stand straight to accept its responsibilities and consequences.

2. We believe Being could restore us through Order, so we treat ourselves as someone responsible for helping.

3. We decide to bring Order and Chaos in its places to the will of Being, and make friends with those who want the best in us.

4. We commit to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves by comparing ourselves only to our own past and not to anyone else’s present state.

5. We admit to Being, to ourselves, and to others the exact nature of our wrongs and not let our children do anything that would dislike us.

6. We are entirely ready to have Being remove all defects of our character by setting our house in perfect order first.

7. We humbly seek to correct our shortcomings by pursuing what is meaningful.

8. We intend to identify the people we have harmed and make amends to them by telling the truth.

9. We commit to make direct amends to the people we have hurt as much as possible and listen to their side of the story without prejudice.

10. We seek to continue to take personal inventory and admit our wrongdoings in a precise manner.

11. We seek, through any good means, to improve our conscious contact with Being by allowing the natural process of growth and learning to run its course.

12. Having had an awakening as a result of such steps and rules, we seek to live a full life by sharing our experiences and taking every day as it is.

(Please leave in the comments your take whether or not these articles make sense. But at least I gave it a try.)

Finally, if I could condense all these Rules into several principles based on my theory (and considering as well the book’s epilogue, which I call the “Pen of Light Manifesto”), it could be summarised as follows:

Stand tall and do what is meaningful.
Know thyself and tell the truth.
Befriend good people and listen to everyone else.
Pay attention and shoot straight.
Let kids be kids; you became one yourself.
Go outside and touch some grass.
Because Chaos brings suffering, but Order gives hope that transcends suffering.
So do what is right and do what you can today, even if it means beginning with yourself.

…And that’s the bottom line, because Jordan B. Peterson said so.